I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize