physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
