do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
