Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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