If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
