k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
