Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
