No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
