I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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