And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
