sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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