I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
