We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
