I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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