I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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