i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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