we have pet lesbian snakes
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
