My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
