i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
