Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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