Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
