he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
