Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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