Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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