I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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