Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
