dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize