are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Randomize
