Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
