He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
