Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
