Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
