Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
