but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
