So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize