He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
