her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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