saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
