Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i believe in u and ur pee
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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