Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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