Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
