She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
