my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
