I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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