Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
