about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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