You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
