Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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