when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
