i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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