mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
