yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm passing your future prison.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Randomize
