So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
