Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
