just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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