Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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