I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
