Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize