she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Banned from zoo.
Again?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he was CRYING into my vagina
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
