I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
