I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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