If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
