His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
