Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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