The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Thank you for not boning my boss.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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