my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Sorry my hands just texted you
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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