literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
