what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
