nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
