after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
